How letting go can sometimes do more for you than getting answers from the universe.
...and why calling it magic is not so far off.
It’s 3:02 PM. I am at my therapist’s office.
I sit down, indifferent. I was so happy with all the progress I made the past couple of weeks and then one little thing sets me back. That's how I felt and that's what this session was about.
The logic part of my brain gets right to it and yells, "Stop obsessing, you shouldn't be upset anymore!".
My inner child throws a tantrum and my subconscious whispers, "It's all because of you!".
Interrupted only by my therapist’s words. I knew what was coming.
The 3 words I hate the most. I hate them because I don’t know what to do with them.
“LET IT GO”
Does anyone really know how to do that?
How do you "let go of what doesn't serve you anymore"?
How do you not care anymore?
I watched a lot of TED talks, read theses on that topic and integrated special breathing exercises it into my meditation practice.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
So I tried to get to the bottom of it.
Here is what my mind came up with.....
Maybe it's the lack of validation from a friend, an unsatisfying answer from a colleague.
Maybe it's the missing approval from a partner or family member.
Whatever it is that you keep holding on to, you will need to dissect it.
You will have to get to the bottom of it.
1. Acknowledge it.
Acknowledge that it bothers you. Saying it's not a big deal and everything will be fine once you forget about it, won't untie the knot in your stomach.
2. Is it about you?
...or is it about how people think of you, about how you wish people would see you, or about how you want to be something you're not?
There is this saying that I quite like:
"What other people think of you is none of your business."
You will break your back if you try pleasing everyone and people will talk no matter what.
3. Are you scared?
For me, not letting go has had a lot to do with my patterns that formed out of habits.
For the longest time I preferred my familiar hell over the unknown heaven.
I was so used to knowing how my decisions would affect me, that I would choose situations that where knowingly bad for me.
I was a shining example of Albert Einstein's definition of insanity:
"...doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”.
Why? Because I was used to them. I was prepared for the outcome.
Choosing fear over comfort was the hardest thing I did last year.
But it was worth it.
And that's the thing about letting go. It is damn fucking hard.
But it is so worth it.
4. Make Space and time for what you need.
In many ways we obsess over stress.
We are too busy and too preoccupied to take time out of the day for things we really want to do.
These projects, plans, daydreams are what we need to let go of what we don't need.
When we focus more on our inner happy place than on what others would want us to do - in order to be perfect, we get a little closer to letting go of the negativity.
"Out of sight, out of mind."
Getting rid of something is not the same as letting go of something.
Burying yourself under a pile of work or jumping into the next best unmade bed might not be the solution here. (BUT it might work for you, who am I to judge?)
You might ask why is letting go so important?
Life is not a romantic comedy in which every misunderstanding is laid out in front of you.
Where people give you a plot summary so you are up to speed.
You will not always get all the answers you need from someone who just left. Not every mystery can be solved.
You need to let go of things so you can move on with your life, so you can put your energy in what's important. YOU.
Looking back now - I did let go of a lot of things.
While I am not a petty person (mostly) and I don’t hold grudges for long, I do hang on to things longer than I should. It's a process and I am happy when it works. Even though, I can’t figure out how it works.
Maybe I should just let it go.
Thanks the read.