Don't find yourself.
A step by step guide on how and why not to find yourself.
People will tell you in order to be truly happy, you have to find yourself.
The "true you". To go out into the world, to not leave any stone unturned and to not come back until you have all the answers.
One thing I realised quite early in my travels is, that no matter where you go, you take yourself with you. So there's literally no need to look for yourself.
Some will take a year or two off, to find themselves.
I tried that too. Without any luck. After living in Spain for a while, followed by a roundtrip through all continents, I did what everyone in my situation would have done.
I googled it.
When you ask google how to find yourself, it gives you 6 lessons:
Number 1: Accept yourself above all else. Resolve to make peace with who you are so that you can start showing up for the world.
Who here [in this room] can raise their hand and say that they accept themselves for all they are - good and bad.
Yes, you should make peace with yourself and you should change your underwear everyday - but we all know that’s not always possible.
If you are not happy with yourself, you don’t need to accept it. You can change it. You don’t need to make peace, you can thrive from the challenge of becoming a better you.
And don’t ever think you have to do something so you can start showing up for the world. You are already showing up. You show up with period cramps and greasy hair. You are already here.
Number 2: Perfect is not real. Nothing's perfect.
Perfect is a perfectly perfect word in the dictionary. You can be perfectly imperfect. Hell, we all are.
Perfection is real, but probably not a goal any of us should want to achieve.
Number 3: Accept everything. Stop judging. …
I judge people. I am not gonna lie. I am not accepting racism, bigotry, homophobia or the patriarchy. I judge you because I know deep down once I accept that, I will stop fighting.
Number 4: Be selfish.
Don’t be selfish. The world has too many selfish people already. It is not selfish to say no to something you don’t want. It’s reasonable and your right.
Number 5: Use everyone else as a mirror.
Number 6: Connect to your core.
If you are not connected to your core. Go see a doctor.
So People keep telling you that you should find yourself. But what are you looking for?
The Prince Charming you always wanted to be. The boss lady that you never dared to be?
You are already you. You don’t need no 25 dollar self help book telling you to go eat, pray, love in an undeveloped country getting mad over how they don’t have eggs Benedict.
We hope one day we will reach the goal of finding the meaning of life, and forget to live it in the meantime.
We look for happiness, the ultimate trophy to put on our shelf next to employee of the month.
Happiness is not a goal - it’s a value that you keep measuring your life with.
The person that gets frustrated because the train is late?
The person that gets sweaty hands when you try not to fart in yoga class? That’s you.
The person that wants to be happy but keeps cherishing the drama in life. That’s also you.
That’s you the one day, and maybe not anymore the next day.
How boring would it be if you would find yourself. What would you do with yourself if one day you say this is it. This is the happiest I’ve ever been, the most balanced, the most stable.
How harsh would it hit you once the sun rises again. You would have to start all over again.
Life throws rocks at you, unanswered job applications, dead parents, a ghosting fuck buddy.
Life doesn’t care that you finally found yourself. If you think you are stable and balanced and you finally got all the answers to all your questions. Life will throw ten times more questions at you.
People say they want everything. I too, want everything. But what is everything? You want love, look around… You want health, look at you sitting and standing telling yourself that drinking at a weekday makes you cultured not an alcoholic. You want to get laid… look around.
I can’t tell you what you want and I can’t tell you what you need.
I can tell you what you don’t need:
Take a deep breath. Feel that? That’s you.
This isn’t "Where is Waldo?". You are in this room. You have a consciousness.
Rather than finding yourself, keep yourself. Practice keeping what you like about yourself and what you want to stand for. That’s all there is.
And Don’t try to find your life’s purpose.
"Purpose" means: The reason for which something is done or created /or for which something exists.
Your life’s purpose is you. You are the reason why your life exists.
P.S.: All pictures were taken on a fishing trip to Mal País during my time in Costa Rica earlier this year. Where in fact, I didn't find myself but caught some fish instead.